Dear Sheri and Tammy and Sherry and all,
It's really fun for me to know you've enjoyed the Dear Mary, Dear letter I
posted here the other day. Thanks also to a bunch more of you who have let
me know you liked it. A few of you have asked me to send the rest of the
letters in this October issue, and I think I've sent them on to a couple of
people so far. However --- the list is growing for them, and since it does
take me awhile to type them in (and the nights are getting shorter and shorter
these days --- never mind that it's supposed to be going the other way), I'm
going to go ahead and use up the bandwidth for everybody, and hope you find
it worth it. Also, if next month's issue includes great letters, I will
post them as soon as I can.
OR... Dear Mary, Dear might like to hear from you????
Here they are:
Dear Mary, Dear,
My wife says that I always yell at her when we play tarabish. Well,
what's a guy supposed to do, Mary? Every time I go, she, my partner,
leads with the nine. And not only that, Mary, she's forever calling
misplays on me. The last time we played I had a fifty and at the
end of the hand I'm counting up the cards and here's her: "I didn't
see no fifty." And here's me: "Are you out of your mind?" And
here's her: "Stop yelling at me!" Help!
Exasperated in Eskasoni
Life is not a tarabish game, old chum. It's more like a turkey dinner.
You gotta look at the big picture, not just the gravy. I think that
you and your lovely wife have to learn how to communicate. Oh, if
people could only talk to one another, what a beautiful world it would
Gordie and I used to have your problem, but we learned to communicate.
For instance, when we're playing tarabish at the legion and Gordie has
a good heart hand, he blows me kisses across the table. If I have a
good club hand, I stomp my foot on the floor three times. And if Gordie
starts singing "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend," what do you suppose
he's got? See what I'm driving at? Communication has brought Gordie
and I a lot closer together and has won us enough money to buy one of
those lawn-mowers that you drive around on. Good luck, dear, and watch
Dear Mary, Dear,
I got a problem. I'm at my wits' end. It's my husband. His name is
Archie, but I'll call him "Ronald." All he does is watch TV from one
end of the day to the other. He's got square eyes, Mary. He's got a
callous on his flicker finger. And he'll watch anything--even reruns
of that friggin' "Three's Company." I think he's got a thing for the
blonde one on that show. And that's not the half of it. He's got TVs
everywhere, even in the bathroom so he doesn't miss anything. Now he
wants to put up a satellite dish on the front lawn, right in the middle
of the pansy bed. Mary, I'm ready to pack his bags and ship him off to
Gilligan's Island. What would you do?
Lonely in L'Ardoise
What would I do? Well, first off, I'd have a big hard sale and get
rid of four or five of those TVs, and then take the money and go out
and buy a nice new outfit. Make sure you don't buy anything too flashy,
cuz you'll want to get some wear out of it. Now that you're feeling
better, it's time to get some hobbies for Mr. Remote Man. Gordie
carves beautiful little chickens out of railroad ties. They make
great Christmas presents--I should know, I got one every year since
he started making them. Mind you, after ten years it got harder and
harder to act surprised. So then he started making lobster trap
furniture. Nice to look at, but a little hard on the arse. The
point is that Gordie has kept himself so busy that as far as he knows
Don Messer is still number one in the ratings, God rest his soul. Good
PS: If you're interested I've got some lobster trap furniture going
Dear Mary, Dear,
If you had it to do all over again, would you change anything?
Curious in Caledonia
Yes. I'd change places with Mrs. Matt Minglewood for a long weekend.
There they are.
Here's a repeat of their note in the corner of the page:
If you need or want advice on virtually any topic, perhaps
Mary can help. Just write to Dear Mary, Dear,
c/o The Cape Bretoner
PO Box 220
Sydney, Cape Breton,
NS B1P 6H1
Also, my subscription brings me a new issue each month, and it's full of
stuff about the life up there. It also includes a couple of pages of
information about available recordings, books, concerts, musical groups, etc.
Also, I'd like to ask if anyone knows of any Canadian newspaper that includes
columns in Gaelic. If you do, I'd really appreciate knowing how to contact
the publishers - or get ahold of a copy. Thanks.
One more request: After posting the first Dear Mary, Dear letter, a friend
told me about "agony aunties," which seem to be a tradition - at least in
Ireland... probably also in Scotland and emigrant countries. If any of you
know anything about this as a tradition, I'd like to hear about that.
Leis gach deagh dhurachd,
Ellen Sinatra ([log in to unmask])